I have been quiet on here for quite some time. I have been struggling for awhile, and then everything came crashing down. I was heartbroken at first and still am to some degree, but now I am more focused on healing, unlearning, and relearning.

I am healing from a breakup. I am healing from staying in a broken relationship long after the expiration date. I am healing from loving someone that did their very best to hurt me (and succeeded many times). I am unlearning critical self-talk. I am unlearning expecting a poor response to me expressing my feelings. I am relearning self-trust. I am relearning how to accept support, love, and kindness from others. I am relearning who I am – here and now.

Soon, I will be leaning into…

Leaning into self-love. Leaning into reciprocal, loving relationships. Leaning into my interests. Leaning into trust – in myself, in others.

I stopped writing and sharing because it felt disingenuous. The things that I wanted to write about did not align with my reality. How could I write about self-love when I was in a relationship with someone that was not a good partner to me?

I was afraid and ashamed to share about the difficult time I was going through. As much as I wanted to let go and to move forward, I stayed stuck. I struggled and cried behind closed doors and still pushed myself to show up. I was in survival mode for awhile – trying to reason with someone that truly did not care about me. I wanted it so badly to work because I believed him when he said that I needed him. The fear of being without him seemed much bigger than the sadness, anxiety, and turmoil I felt staying in a bad relationship.

Until it didn’t…

I have been living in the reality I was so afraid of once before. It has not been easy, but frankly, in a lot of ways, it is a lot easier and a lot better than the reality I was living in.

Every single day is a step forward. Every single moment that I choose myself and choose to do right by me is a step forward.

Yes, healing takes time, but I am happy that I am finally pouring my energy into someone that deserves it: me.