I have been focusing on myself and pouring my energy into myself, and it has been rewarding. Giving myself the best and putting myself first is not something I have always done. I am a recovering people pleaser, and I am healing from attachment issues.

I have especially struggled with prioritizing myself when it comes to relationships. I have worked really hard to learn how to take and make space for myself in relationships. Before when someone would ask me to do something, I would struggle to say no – even when I really didn’t want to do it or have the capacity or time to do it. I was afraid I’d be discarded or they’d suddenly dislike me if I put my needs first. Turns out, I was wrong.

I am a better friend, partner, child, colleague, etc. when I’m good to myself and when I put myself first.

Putting myself first can look different depending on the situation. It might be saying no to a night out or saying wait (or later) to a new project.

Here are ways that I fill my cup:

• Saying no
• Spending time alone
• Doing things solo
• Self-care
• Seeking support
• Letting go

Saying No

I have adopted saying no without explanation and in some cases, with very little explanation. I say no when I don’t want to do something or don’t have time. I am learning to say no without feeling bad about it. It’s not personal, so why am I making it personal?

I used to over-explain and apologize when I would say no to things. I was afraid that people would never invite me to anything again if I said no one time. I realized that I was not only doing a disservice to myself, but to other people by doing things I really didn’t want to do or have energy to do.

I was not always enjoyable company to be around when I said yes to things even though I was exhausted. I didn’t always lend a listening ear or offer sound advice when I said yes to a phone call that I really should’ve asked to schedule at a later time. Saying no doesn’t mean that it has to be a no forever. Saying no has helped me put more into when I do say yes.

Spending Time Alone

Sometimes you just gotta bask in your own energy. When you’re seeking love or wanting to give love, I challenge you to turn that love and energy inward. I’m not saying to do this all the time, but if you’re like me and constantly want to give to others, I challenge you to give to yourself.

Spending time with myself is a way I give back to me. I love spending time home alone and cooking for myself or journaling. It’s a good reminder that I am worthy of rest and free time. I am worthy of MY time. I often want to give other people or things my time. So much so that when I have time for myself, I tend to think about work or reach out to friends to see how they’re doing.

I am working on checking in with myself first when I try to busy myself during my free time. Instead of feeling the need to earn rest or relaxation, I remind myself that I am worthy instead.

Doing Things Solo

If you always wait for someone else to do something with you, then you’re bound to their time. I used to be so fearful of doing things alone, but then I missed out on a lot of things that I wanted to experience.

Now if I’m interested in doing something, I do it.

This also ties into saying no to things. I would sometimes say yes to things in hopes that the other person would feel inclined to doing an activity that I wanted to do. I would pour into them, so that they would pour into me. I have realized that our friends, family, or partner don’t always have to be interested in the same things that we are. You’re also more likely to find people that are interested in what you’re interested by going to do those types of events or experiences. Say yes to yourself and go do the activity you’ve been wanting to do!

Self-Care

Put yourself first. Take care of yourself. It’s not selfish or vain to spend money, time, or energy on yourself. When I take care of myself, I show others how they can take care of me, as well. I would put off haircuts or going to the spa because I felt guilty for taking care of myself. I felt guilty using my time and money in that way when I could be working or giving it to others. I prioritize taking care of myself now and making time for self-care. On Sundays, I choose one activity or self-care treatment to do. It can range from doing a creative activity (coloring, clay pottery, etc.) or taking myself out for a nice meal. Taking care of yourself should be your top priority. I am learning to make myself the most important person in my life.

Seek Out Support

I used to feel like such a burden to others. I was afraid to share my feelings or reach out for support or care. When I really thought about it, I realized that I don’t view my friends or family as a “burden” when they reach out for support. I view it as such a brave and loving act. I also feel extremely grateful that they feel comfortable to be vulnerable with me. If I’m able to feel that about others, why not apply that to myself, as well?

I ask for help now. I ask my friends and family if they have time to lend a listening ear. I also reach out to let people know when I need company because I’ve had a tough week or I’m going through a difficult time. Seeking support deepens our relationships. It shows others that you trust them to share with them. It shows others that it’s okay to be going through a tough time, and it’s okay to ask for help.

Let Go

I am learning to let go of anxiety, fears, and doubts, and to just be. I am learning to let go of the need I feel to control everything. I have control over only the present moment, and I can choose to trust myself.

I used to worry a lot about the future and what would happen if this or that. The more I dug into it, the more I realized it was because I lacked trust in myself. When those thoughts come up, I remind myself that I am capable of handling whatever comes my way. I let go of the fear and instead put that energy towards trusting and uplifting myself. It’s not easy. I don’t just let go of things once, and it never returns. I often have to choose to let go many times over. Let go and be here now. You are capable of making this present moment beautiful for yourself and by yourself. 🙂