No matter how much you love and care for someone, it won’t change how they feel about you. It might affect their feelings in some ways, but we can’t control how another person feels for us.

I used to believe that if I just loved someone enough, that my feelings would eventually be reciprocated. I used to believe that I could love someone into loving me. I eventually learned that love can mean different things to different people. I am still learning that I can’t make someone love me by loving them.

I have loved people that have cared about me (but not loved me). I have loved people that have taken advantage of my love. I have loved people that have wanted to love me back, but couldn’t. I have loved people that tried to love me. I have loved people that have not loved me in the same ways. I have loved people that have not loved me… at all.

I have also loved people that have loved me.

I have cherished the moments when love has been returned with the same intensity that it was given. I used to be so hurt when someone else did not love me in the same way that I loved them. I had to learn that how someone feels about me is not something I can control. I can’t make someone love or care about me more than they do. I can’t make someone love me the way I want to be loved.

I’ve had a hard time accepting all of these realizations. I’ve had an especially difficult time not blaming myself. I am actively working against thoughts like, “They don’t love you the way you want because you don’t deserve that love.”

I am learning that how other people feel about me does not always have to do with me. I am learning that some people aren’t able to give or receive love as easily as others. I am that people can love you as best as they can, and sometimes that’s not enough.

I am learning to love myself.

Because although I can’t love someone into loving me, I can learn to love and care for myself the way I want others to love and care for me. I can learn to love and care for myself, so that I don’t feel as hurt when others don’t love me. I can learn to love myself, so that I know when someone is doing their best – loving me.