Comparison has been called a thief before, but I think it’s a thief, liar, and a killer.

Comparison has killed a lot my dreams before I even started. It has lied to me about my capabilities and the possibilities in my life. It has stolen my confidence and excitement.

In the past, when I got into comparison mode, I would stay stuck on those feelings instead of investing the energy into myself. I allowed other people’s successes and happiness to make me fearful of my own success and happiness. Now when I start to notice that I am comparing myself to others, I refocus my energy back to myself.

Here’s what I do when I find that I am comparing myself to others:

• Take a breath
• Investigate the feeling
• Take a social media break
• Affirmations
• Journal
• Talk it out

Take a Breath

Whenever I feel jealous about someone else’s experience or I start to compare myself to someone else, I take a deep breath in the moment. I focus on my breath until I feel calm. I focus on my breathing until I am back in the present moment. When my mind is clear, I am able to figure out the root of my emotions a lot faster.

Investigate the Feeling

Don’t shy away from your emotions. Feel them out. Go inward.

I used to not fully process my emotions. I would avoid them as much as possible. I didn’t realize before that my feelings were trying to tell me something. Whenever I felt insecure, I would project those insecurities onto other people. Whenever I felt jealous of someone else’s accomplishment, I would make up excuses about why I wasn’t able to accomplish the same things or downplay their achievements.

One day, instead of deflecting, I tried to simply sit with my feelings. I tried to listen to what my emotions were telling me. Why did I feel angry that someone else achieved a goal? Why did I feel bad when someone else was sharing good news? Why did I feel and get defensive when someone else was speaking on their aspirations?

Processing and listening to my feelings has helped me not hold on to them for as long. Now when I feel myself comparing, I am able to get to the root of it a lot quicker. I am able to move forward a lot quicker and not get stuck in comparison mode.

Take a Social Media Break

Oftentimes, I find myself comparing when I am scrolling through my feed for too long. I start to think that I am not doing enough. Or that I am not where I am supposed to be — that I could be better. I start to feel bad or embarrassed about myself and my life.

Whatever the case may be, sometimes social media is not the must uplifting place. Whenever possible, I choose to take social media breaks. I delete apps off of my phone and try to go for as long as possible. I tend to feel a lot more focused and calm during these breaks.

Taking a step away from social media helps me tune back in to my inner voice and focus on myself.

Affirmations

I have a few phrases tucked away for days when I feel especially insecure or down about myself. I either say these affirmations to myself out loud or in my head. Affirmations help me ground myself.

It can be a great reminder to look at the bigger picture and to get out of the details. Sometimes I get so caught up in instances when I have failed that I forget I have accomplished a lot and there is a lot to be proud about.

When you find yourself comparing, affirm yourself. Remind yourself how great you are. Remind yourself about the things you value and appreciate about yourself. Remind yourself about how grateful you are.

Journal

When in doubt, journal it out. Write down what you’re feeling. Don’t edit or judge yourself for what comes out. Journaling helps me process what I am thinking and how I am feeling. It also helps me see any blocks to my thought-process.

Journaling helped me realize that I do not want to be anyone else other than myself. I want to be the best me there is — no one else. Just because I know this does not mean I have automatically stopped comparing myself to others. Journaling helps me recenter. It gets rid of the cloud of comparison and reminds me that I am just fine.

Talk It Out

If you have an especially bad case of comparison, I suggest talking to someone you can trust. Let them know what you’re experiencing. If you feel comfortable doing so, let then know what kind of self-talk is going on in your mind at the moment.

It is okay to need support from other people. It is okay to need validation from time to time. Talking about my insecurities has helped me connect with others and realize that I am not alone. Other people compare themselves to other people, as well. You’re not alone in what you are feeling.