Difficult truth: sometimes you are the problem.

I know it’s hard to face, but there are times when we get in our own way. There have been times when I’ve complained about my circumstances or experiences, and I was quickly humbled by the realization that I was the reason for what I was experiencing.

I used to project my anger, disappointment, and insecurities on the people closest to me. I used to blame others for my lack of self-worth.

I thought I was being real with myself, but the truth is I was avoiding the realities of my life and I was scared to face myself. I did not want to come to terms with the fact that I play a part in what’s happening in my life. I was afraid to fully accept myself and my life.

I eventually learned how to accept all parts of me and my life. Meditating and journaling helped me become comfortable sitting with myself and facing my shadow self. I stopped making excuses, and started getting comfortable learning from my mistakes, taking accountability, and talking about my insecurities & failures.

Here’s how I got out of my own way:

• Spend time getting to know yourself
• Forgive yourself and others
• Set goals
• Hold yourself accountable
• Get comfortable with the uncomfortable
• Lean into your vulnerability

Spend Time With Yourself

This might seem strange to consider since we are always with ourselves, but more often than not, we are not intentional about the time we spend with ourselves. With technology, it is easy for us to distract or pay attention to other things during our alone time.

In the past, I would use a lot of my free time on things that took up my time but did not add value to my life. I would avoid myself by spending my time scrolling through social media, binge watching shows, drinking alcohol excessively, etc. I found ways to escape myself since facing myself and the reality of my life felt uncomfortable and overwhelming.

Once I started being more intentional with my time and truly investing in myself, I started to reap the rewards.

Forgive Yourself & Others

Instead of dwelling on my past mistakes, I do my best to learn from them and move forward. I used to constantly replay all the cringe-worthy moments and decisions I’ve made in my head. It was not productive, and I never felt better afterwards. Forgiving myself set me free. I was no longer bound to the past. I was free to live in the moment.

Forgive others. Let’s be real — it isn’t always easy to forgive. If you’re finding it hard to forgive others, try to see it as something that you are doing for yourself. I was only hurting myself by not forgiving others. Most of the people that I felt hurt by were no longer in my life, but I was allowing them to remain in my life and to have some control over me by not forgiving them. Forgiveness does not mean a reinstatement of access to you. You can forgive and leave. You can forgive and cut ties. You can forgive and move on.

Set Goals

I used to not set goals because I was afraid. I was afraid of failure. I was afraid of what others would think. I was afraid to dream.

By not setting goals, I was only setting myself up for failure. I was moving through life feeling lost, unsure, and angry. Why weren’t good things happening to me?

It’s because I didn’t dare to dream.

It was terrifying to say I wanted to achieve something or to think about the future. I was afraid that I was not capable. My lack of self-esteem kept me stuck and in my own way.

When I started to set goals and crush them, my confidence and trust in myself grew. I started off with small goals, and I worked my way up to setting bigger goals. The smaller goals help keep me excited and motivated, and the bigger goals help keep me focused and grounded.

Start setting goals for yourself today, and watch yourself rise to the task.

Hold Yourself Accountable

Hold yourself accountable when it comes to your actions, commitments, and relationships. I used to never hold myself accountable. Instead I would avoid taking accountability by projecting my mistakes on to other people or downplaying the seriousness of something. Now no matter how awkward, stressful, or sticky a situation is, I do my best to face it head on.

I was able to go from never holding myself accountable to doing so by first holding myself accountable when it came to my goals. I set goals and committed to making them happen.

If you decide that the goals you set no longer align with you, you can pivot and readjust. It doesn’t mean you’re quitting — you’re simply learning what works best for you.

Get Comfortable With the Uncomfortable

Get comfortable with yourself. Learn to accept yourself. I was ashamed of who I was, especially when it came to emotions. I felt anxious about expressing myself and my feelings. I eventually learned to accept that I am a sensitive person.

It can be difficult to accept truths about ourselves and our lives that do not fit the way we think it should be. However, I was only getting in my own way by not accepting and loving myself. I kept trying to be who I thought I should be and set goals based on what I thought I should be doing. All of that just led me to feeling unhappy, disappointed, and upset with myself.

Eventually, I learned to work with what I have and truly accept and love myself fully. Surprisingly, the more I accepted who I was, the more I started to change and become who I wanted to be. I was no longer using my time working against myself. I was now using my time accepting myself, investing in myself, and growing.

Lean Into Your Vulnerability

Get vulnerable with yourself. I spend time asking myself tough questions and sitting with my answers. I also feel my emotions instead of explaining them away or ignoring them. Vulnerability has enhanced my self-awareness, and it has also made me a more patient, loving person.

Being vulnerable does not come naturally to me, but with practice, I have been able to dig deep and tap into it. I no longer judge myself for being vulnerable. Also, I truly feel that the more honest and open we are, the more we inspire others to do the same. Being vulnerable has made me become a better version of myself, and I know I will continue to grow and reach new depths. You can, too! I believe in you.