Death is a natural part of life, but that doesn’t make it easy to accept. Through loss, I have learned that grief is not always one size fits all. With some deaths, grief comes right away, while others can be difficult to think about.

I have felt numb to the pain of losing someone that I loved.

Why is loss so hard to let go of? How can I think of them without feeling blue? What can I do to accept that they’re gone?

Grief is something that I stumble through. I am stumbling through.

Sometimes I am able to think of our memories together, and laugh and feel grateful for our time. Whereas, other times it feels like a ton of bricks are hitting me all at once. Just when I think I’ve made amends with them being gone, I feel sad again, and the cycle starts once more.

The clear realization that they are no longer here is hard to digest. There have been rare moments when I happen to forget that they’re gone. Then slowly, but surely, the realization sets in, and the blissful, forgetful moment floats away.

Grief comes in waves.

When the waves break, I realized that somehow the more I grieve, the easier it is to accept that they’re no longer here. The more I open the door to grief, the easier it is to remember the happier moments. The easier it is to move on from mourning their death, and instead, I can celebrate their life.

Grieving is relieving.

Grieving and processing the loss has helped me move past the anger, hurt, and pain that death has brought. Grieving has helped me release, and it has opened the door to acceptance.

I’m not completely there yet, and I’m not sure if I ever will be. For now, I’m still grieving.